Finding Gratitude When Life Gets Hard
In this episode of the PsycHope Self-Help Podcast, Dr. Jennifer McManus explores how to tap into gratitude when life feels tough. With 2024 being a challenging year for many, practicing gratitude may seem impossible. Dr. McManus shares science-backed strategies to help cultivate gratitude, even in hard times, and addresses the pressure of “should” feelings during the holidays.
Need more help navigating the holiday season “shoulds”? Then sign up for the 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief Audio Summit, starting December 1st! Get expert insights on managing holiday stress, expectations, and self-care. Registration is free and available at psychope.com/12days.
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Hey listener, ever promised yourself a stress-free holiday season, only to…
· See your calendar overflowing?
· Feel anxious about the food landmine awaiting you?
· Experience pressure to create the perfect holiday atmosphere?
· Or, find you're bracing for unpleasant interactions at upcoming events?
Please know, you're not alone. Despite understanding what truly matters during the holidays, the relentless pursuit of perfection and countless other pressures often have a way of overshadowing the joy.
Well, the PsycHope Self-Help Podcast wants to help you change these all too familiar patterns this holiday season. We also understand that holiday stress is intertwined with your everyday challenges. Ongoing sources of stress don’t just let up because it’s the holidays. That’s why we’re sponsoring the second annual 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief Audio Summit. We’re bringing together upwards of 12 compassionate and brilliant women, each with an illustrious professional background.
This exclusive event will run from December 1st through December 12th with a new interview dropping each day. It’s my true honor to interview each summit guest to understand how she sees holiday stress impact the women she serves. And, I’ll be sure to ask for all their tips on how to navigate the many forms that stress can take this holiday season.
We’re here to help, but we don’t want to add to your already burdened days. So, we’re bringing you quick, bite sized episodes that you can listen to while running errands or wrapping presents. We’re keeping things short and sweet, but rest assured you’re going to walk away with valuable insights and some amazing tips.
This audio summit is free, but you’ll need to sign up to get access to the private podcast. Are you ready to embrace the enchantment of the winter holiday season without the overwhelm? Then head on over to psychope.com/12days to join us for this exclusive event.
No matter what kind of stress you’re going through this holiday season, we have a compassionate expert who understands your concerns. Let us guide you through a transformative journey, helping you navigate the holiday hustle, and reclaim the peace of the season!
Again, please visit psychope.com/12days to reserve your spot or just click the link in the show notes!
Hello and welcome! You’re listening to the PsycHope Self-Help Podcast: A space for women where psychology illuminates paths to healing, hope, and personal growth. I’m Dr. Jennifer McManus, a clinical psychologist and I’ll be your host. Each episode, we’ll explore a different way to use psychology to enhance emotional wellness. Hope you enjoy the show!
It’s episode 43. This episode is coming out right before Thanksgiving, which can be a great time of year to soak up all the benefits of practicing gratitude. That being said, I know many of you might be facing the holiday season with mixed emotions. For some, the idea of gratitude might feel like a stretch, especially if 2024 has been a tough year. And, I know for a lot of folks 2024 has been a really hard year. The holidays can bring up so many expectations about how we "should" feel, and that we should feel grateful is often at the top of that list.
So, before we dive into today’s topic, I want to take a moment to honor where you are right now. It’s okay if gratitude feels hard. And, it's okay if you're not feeling particularly thankful in the traditional sense. All feelings are welcome here.
I also want to let you know about an upcoming free summit with guest expert interviews that directly address all those holiday shoulds I was just mentioning, plus a whole host of other holiday pressures. Just in case you didn’t hear the announcement before this episode started, the 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief Audio Summit is back for a second year! Just like last year, I’ve brought together caring, compassionate professional women, all experts in their respective fields. We have a couple returning guests who we’re so grateful to have back. Plus, many brand new guests from fields like mental health, physical health, and spirituality. Please join us for these exclusive interviews dropping every day from December 1st to December 12th. Just head to psychope.com/12days to save your spot. Then, you’ll be all set to listen come December 1st.
Now, back to the plan for this episode, what I’d like to do is provide a quick refresher on the benefits of gratitude and then shine a light on approaches that can be helpful when you want to experience some of those benefits of practicing gratitude, but identifying things for which to feel grateful is hard. If you want to get into all the details about the overall health benefits of practicing gratitude, then please check out last year’s episode, The Power of a Grateful Heart: Exploring the Benefits of Gratitude; this was episode 34, released on November 20th, 2023. This was a solid foundational episode on the topic of gratitude and sets us up well to focus on unique challenges related to gratitude this year.
In last year’s gratitude episode, we took a deep dive into the incredible power of gratitude and the considerable psychological and physical benefits it can bring. We explored how gratitude is more than a feel-good emotion. Gratitude has real, science-backed impacts on our overall well-being with other mental health and physical health benefits, too.
For example, we discussed how gratitude is linked to boosted optimism, improved mood, and enhanced interpersonal relationships. When we practice gratitude, we become more likely to have a positive outlook on the future and are better equipped to handle challenges. Research has shown that individuals who practice gratitude are not only happier, but also more hopeful and resilient. This is particularly important when it comes to improving our overall mental health and reducing symptoms of stress and anxiety.
One of the key aspects we covered was the neurochemical effects of gratitude. Gratitude is linked to the release of feel-good neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine—two chemicals that play a significant role in our emotional and psychological well-being. These are the same neurotransmitters targeted by medications used to treat depression and anxiety. When we engage in gratitude, we activate these same brain pathways, providing a natural way to elevate mood and reduce stress. If you’re interested in learning more about healthy ways to increase serotonin and dopamine, then you’ll definitely want to check out our last episode, Harness Your Happy Hormones for Stress Relief: a DOSE Primer. (And by the way, DOSE is an acronym that stands for Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins.)
Back to gratitude, it can improve our ability to focus on tasks. This translates into greater productivity and mental clarity, both of which can help in personal and professional settings. Gratitude also nurtures our emotional intelligence, helping us better understand and empathize with others, which has the potential to strengthen our relationships.
Gratitude isn't only about psychological benefits though. Gratitude offers us physical health benefits as well. People who practice gratitude regularly tend to engage in healthier lifestyle choices, including more physical activity, healthier eating, and getting better sleep. Gratitude has even been linked to lower cortisol levels, that’s the stress hormone, which helps reduce overall physical stress. Last year, we also touched on how gratitude encourages behaviors like following medical advice and maintaining a healthier lifestyle, making it an essential practice for long-term well-being.
Last year’s episode also provided a historical context for gratitude. I pointed out that while the practice has been valued for centuries in various cultures and religions, the scientific study of gratitude is relatively recent. We explored its emergence as a key topic in Positive Psychology, especially after social psychologists began shifting the focus of psychological research from just treating mental illness to enhancing human flourishing and well-being. Gratitude is now recognized as a cornerstone of the field of Positive Psychology.
Any discussion about the benefits of gratitude would not be complete without referencing Dr. Robert Emmons. He’s a pioneer in gratitude research and his work has shaped much of what we know today about the psychological and physical benefits of gratitude. Dr. Emmons defines gratitude as "an affirmation of the good," and emphasizes that gratitude requires recognition that the good in our lives often comes from outside ourselves, not just from within. This means that gratitude connects us to others and to the world around us in some pretty profound ways.
So, last year’s episode set us up to understand that gratitude is much more than a seasonal trend or fleeting emotion. It’s a practice that has impressive psychological benefits—like increased optimism, improved relationships, and greater emotional resilience—not to mention physical health benefits, like better sleep and reduced stress.
Today, we’re going to build on last year’s discussion with a focus on what we can do when gratitude doesn’t come easily.
First, let’s revisit and acknowledge that for many people, 2024 has been a difficult year. There may have been losses, struggles, or unexpected challenges that make the idea of gratitude right now seem out of reach. It’s important to remind ourselves that there’s no “right” way to feel. Just because it’s the holiday season or just because people around you might be expressing gratitude doesn’t mean you have to do it, too.
This is a really good spot to weave in a concern about toxic positivity. The concept of toxic positivity is about pressure to find the silver lining or push ourselves to stay upbeat no matter what. These types of approaches can actually make things worse though. If we pressure ourselves to feel grateful when we don’t, or worse, if we’re told by others that we “should” be more thankful, we run the risk of invalidating our own emotions. So, let’s give ourselves permission to feel whatever we’re feeling, even if that’s frustration, sadness, or exhaustion. You’re not required to be grateful just because it’s Thanksgiving.
So, the first and very practical, straightforward tip I have for you is: maybe practicing gratitude is not your go to coping skill or stress relief tool. I know this must sound like those old jokes right when you go to the doctor and say hey doc If I hold my arm like this it hurts and the doctor says well don’t hold your arm like that. Right? Ok, well don’t practice gratitude.
But I need to remind you, that there are many paths to the same destination. So, while gratitude is one way to increase those happy chemicals, reduce stress, and feel more optimistic, there are many other approaches that can get you there, too. Right here on the PsycHope Self Help Podcast, you can explore different self-help approaches like Mindfulness or Self-Compassion plus learn about the Mental Health Benefits of things like Physical Exercise and Spending Time in Nature. So, practicing gratitude is but one of many paths to improving our over well-being. If gratitude is not your preferred self-help tool, there are plenty of other coping skills to try.
And yet, I know that many of us want to find ways to be grateful, or at least start the journey toward it, even when it doesn’t come easily. So, if you would really like having a gratitude practice, but are struggling to get started, here are some hopefully helpful tips for you.
First, consider starting small by practicing micro-gratitude. If you’re finding it hard to be grateful for big things like your health, your relationships, or your career, then start small. Research has shown that even small moments of gratitude can have a significant impact on our well-being. This might look like appreciating the warmth of your morning cup of coffee, the fresh air during a walk, or the fact that you woke up this morning to greet another day.
The next tip for getting started with a gratitude practice is to reframe your thinking by acknowledging progress, not perfection. It’s easy to get caught up in what’s not working in our lives. But when we make a conscious effort to reframe our perspective, we can see progress, even in the toughest times. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to reflect on any small victories you've had this year. Maybe you got through a challenging day or accomplished something that felt really hard. Focus on that step of the progress instead of a big picture of perfection. We make sometimes need space and distance from the tough times to see the small wins though. Some more good news here though is that a gratitude practice does not have to focus only on things that just happened. You can experience the benefits of gratitude with a more retrospective practice.
Another approach to consider is making gratitude more relational by practicing gratitude towards others. If focusing on yourself feels too hard, try turning your attention outward. Send a simple text or note of appreciation to someone who has made a difference in your life. This doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. It can be as simple as letting someone know you’re thankful for their presence, support, or love. Even just sharing a small compliment or thank you can shift your mood and bring you closer to that feeling of gratitude.
The final tip for when gratitude is hard, is to give yourself compassion. I want to remind you that there’s no “should” when it comes to gratitude. It’s not about forcing yourself to feel something you're not genuinely or authentically feeling. Instead, it’s about acknowledging what is. If you’re struggling, it’s okay to honor that. If you find that you’re overwhelmed with what you “should” be feeling this holiday season, please know that this is a common experience.
And related to this, I want to remind you that you don’t have to navigate the stress of the holiday season alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the “shoulds” and would like more tools for managing the stress that often comes with this time of year, remember that the 2nd Annual 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief Audio Summit is starting soon. Exclusive interviews drop from December 1st through December 12th. This is a free, private podcast event with thought leaders in psychology, counseling, health and wellness, spirituality, and other related fields. Each guest expert offers their insights on managing holiday stress, navigating expectations, and—yes—grappling with all those holiday shoulds, like gratitude when it doesn’t come easy.
You can sign up for free at PsycHope.com/12Days so you’re all set to start listening on December 1st. It’s the perfect way to get the support you need to make this holiday season a little less stressful and a whole lot more meaningful.
As we wind down here, I want to thank you for tuning in today. I hope that wherever you are in your gratitude journey, you’ll be gentle with yourself. Remember, it’s okay to feel however you feel. The holidays are complex, and it’s normal to experience a range of emotions.
Be sure to tune in to our next episode when I’ll be exploring themes that emerged during the 2nd Annual 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief Audio Summit. We’ll be back real soon.
Much Peace Until Next Time!
The information shared on the PsycHope Self-Help podcast is done so with the understanding that it does not constitute professional help nor is it a substitute for professional help. If you think you might benefit from more than self-help, there are resources listed in the show notes.
Show Notes
Episode 43, originally published on November 27, 2024.
2nd Annual 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief Audio Summit
Ready to save your spot? You can do that right here: PsycHope.com/12Days
Disclaimer
The information shared on the PsycHope Self-Help podcast does not constitute professional help nor is it a substitute for professional help. If you think you might benefit from more than self-help, here are some helpful resources:
Find a therapist:
Psychology Today, directory for locating a psychotherapist. More details here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/
Mental health crisis resources:
Suicide Prevention Hotline: call or text 988
Crisis text line: text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor for any emotional crisis
